The good thing about having a blog is that it gives you lots of accountability. Who knew that my laziness in not going to the dentist for years would spark such outrage, such sorrow, such a call to action? But never fear, blog readers, mainly Jessie, - you spoke up and I listened. I went to the dentist today! Don't ask me what his name was - it was very hard to understand and pronounce. I don't think his employees know what his name is either. One of them sort of tried to say it and dropped off mid-syllable and just skipped to her question instead. It sounded Dr. Krossenmaxamillion or something.
But regardless that I don't know his name, he was very kind and his minions have already coerced me into setting an appointment for six months from now to get my teeth cleaned again. They're a clever bunch at this office. No hiding my delinquent dentist past from them. They're not afraid.
It's good to have teeth because then you can eat. I suppose you can probably eat without teeth but it's not as enjoyable. Babies eat without teeth, but they don't really know what they're missing since they've never had teeth before and by the time they're old enough to figure it out, they have teeth.
Babies and eating are a good segue into something Erika suggested I write about some weeks ago, and that is the subject of why do people say things like "that baby is cute enough to eat." We all do it - I remember when loyal reader Meagan shared with our small group that she was pregnant and she said she couldn't wait to nibble on her baby's toes. There's just something about babies that make us want to eat them, and it's kind of weird.
Maybe it's just because I've been thinking about this subject of why we think that when babies are cute they ought to be eaten, but I found myself saying it just the other day about a small child in my neighborhood. I was driving home and this little girl was walking down the sidewalk in front of her house. She had on cute little pink pants and a cute little pink shirt and these little pink sunglasses that were lopsided on her face. She was all sassy and cute at the same time and when I drove by I said to myself, "She's so cute I could just eat her up." And then I gasped in horror! I wanted to eat an innocent child because she was cute! This is not ok!
Eating people is no laughing matter. If you don't believe me, just watch the movie Alive, although it's not for the faint of heart. I watched it once and was so appalled that I had to watch it a second time. I've been thinking a lot about it recently again, but I think I'll refrain from watching it a third time. If you've never seen it, it's about a Uruguayan soccer team whose plane crashes in the Andes mountains and they end up having to eat each other to stay alive. Hence, why the title is Alive. It's based on a true story because you can't make stuff like this up.
I've been thinking about it because I've flown over the Andes mountains four times in the last four months. Fortunately, none of my planes crashed and I didn't have to eat anything except the little sandwich snack they offered onboard, which was made out of turkey. But every time our plane passed over those peaks, I thought of those soccer players and how awful it would be to find myself in that position. I bet that little neighborhood girl is glad she wasn't on the plane with me and that we're not Uruguayan soccer players.
The other phrase I don't understand is akin - "eat your heart out." No thanks. I'd rather eat the little neighborhood girl because she's so cute than eat my own heart. That's too Indiana Jonesy and the Temple of Doom to me.
My conclusion is this: English must be a hard language to learn. Probably all languages are really hard to learn, but as far as I know, I've never heard any Spanish speakers talk about eating cute babies. At any rate, Rosetta Stone hasn't taught me how to say that phrase yet. And that's probably for the best.
At least my teeth are clean.
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