Fencing with Girls

I'm in Canada. It's raining and cold, but that is Canada in November for you. At least it's predictable.

It's Saturday and this morning the younger boys (Dylan age 10 and Thomas age 13) had fencing lessons. Because an hour of watching fencing is not that exciting to girls, Penny and I went to IKEA for 45 minutes and then came back to watch the last 15 minutes of practice.

I noticed that Thomas' group had quite a few girls in it. I saw at least four girls in the group of 10 or 12 kids. I thought this would make compelling conversation on the drive home, so back in the car I asked Thomas if fencing with girls was different from fencing with boys.

His answer surprised me.

Well, let me back up. I expected his answer to be "yes" but the reasons he gave were completely different than the reasons I was expecting.

I thought that he would say that it's different because you have to hold back with girls, not be as aggressive in case you might hurt them where you wouldn't hurt a boy.

But instead he said, "The girls hurt me! They have no idea how much it hurts to get jabbed in the chest because they wear chest protectors! And they just jab so hard! It's so not fair. I hold back when I fence with girls because I'm afraid they're going to hurt me."

My adult mind and heart, cultivated now by years of tears, heartache, mean words said, relationships damaged sometimes irreparably, and a whole slew of regrets, instantly read much more into his simple words than he intended. After all, he's only 13 and so far carries an intact heart that hasn't been torn apart by a girl he entrusted it to. For me, I hate watching on this end knowing that it is coming someday for him.

Right now he just sees girls as those who jab too hard in fencing because they don't know how much the jabs hurt. Time and heartbreak at the hands of a girl will eventually change that. Someday girls will be feared not because they fence hard but because they jab with their words and their actions and hurt his heart. I'm guessing that there will be girls in his life who do those things who will have no idea how much those jabs hurt.

I know I've been that girl time and time again in most of my friendships and relationships through the years, but I trust that God is changing me into a woman who thinks about the hearts of others more than she thinks about her own heart. It's a hard road and I lose the way a lot.

But I want to remember Thomas' innocent words today as I think about how I care for and interact with those around me who have fragile hearts. May I not be a woman who jabs without understanding how much it might hurt the one being jabbed. I might be wearing protection over my heart, but that doesn't mean those around me are.

I'm grateful for this day and this time here in Canada for simple moments like this. I love that God can give me simple reminders on how to care for others through the casual obersvations of a 13 year old boy after fencing lesson.

And now it's time to go demolish 10 year old Dylan at a game of cards....in love and gentleness, of course...