Why Good Girls Go Bad

I'll let all of you men out there in on a secret - there is not a woman alive who ever wants hear the following words come from your mouth: "You are so nice."

This should be pretty logical, actually. When was the last time you wanted to act like a hero for a woman who told you you were nice? I'm guessing never. There is no fairy tale out there where the prince slays the dragon and saves the princess and she says, "Thanks, prince. You're so nice for rescuing me. Now if you'll just put me back down, I have to return to my palace and wash my hair because your dashing rival, who isn't all that nice, is taking me out to dinner."

For some reason, women, or at least me, seem to think that if they are nice enough eventually the prince will want them. The thought process seems to be, "If I can just cook him one more dinner or listen to him cry about that stupid other girl one more time or if I just help him with his homework one more time, then he'll see that he can't live without me."

This is dumb thinking and I'm tired of it. I don't know why it's taken me 32 years to figure out that usually the words "You are so nice" are almost always immediately followed by "You're such a great friend."

Friend. The other word that all women (and most men) hate to hear. Always the friend, never the girlfriend.

There's a couple of reasons why this is swirling around in my brain today. For one, I was thinking about a woman I used to know who I'll call Naomi. She died a couple of years ago but I knew her for a number of years through mutual friends. She was married for a little while years and years ago but her husband cheated on her with another man and she divorced him and never remarried. When I met her she was in her 70's and had lived alone for most of her life. No husband, no children, just a quiet solitary life. She would join us for Christmas or Easter or any other holiday where you typically get together with family, and I always used to think that even though she was a great lady, I didn't want to be like her as I got older. It got to where I almost dreaded seeing her on holidays because I was terrified of becoming her.

I don't want to be the spinster lady who goes to a friend's house on holidays because she has no one else and nowhere else to go. I keep the number of cats that live in my house strictly at two now for this reason too. If I can keep the cats at bay, maybe I can keep spinsterhood at bay too. Illogically logical.

I don't much about Naomi's story. Maybe she was happy and she liked her quiet life. Or maybe she lived the rest of her life being nice and the good friend and she secretly hated it but didn't know how to change. I'll never know. But from my perspective, I just saw loneliness and that I didn't want to have that end up being the story of my life.

I know I'm far from being a 70-something year old spinster cat lady at this point in my life, but having just been told yet again, "You're so nice and I just want to be your friend," for the upteempth time, Naomi has been on my mind today. Part of me feels like I need to change how I'm living my life in order to avoid becoming Naomi. If I keep hearing the words, "You're so nice. Let's be friends," maybe I need to figure out how not to be quite so nice and friendly.

I think this is ultimately what makes good girls go bad - they get tired of hearing the words, "You're so nice." They don't go bad because they've stopped trusting in God and His timing. I still trust in those things with all of my heart. Good girls go bad because they're tired of being nice.

So this is me today.

I don't want to be nice anymore. I'll be kind, I'll be compassionate, I'll be generous, I'll be wise, I'll be a servant, I'll be a smartass, I'll be surprising, but I'm not going to be nice. I don't think Jesus was nice. He was a lot of things, but at the end of the day there isn't a verse in the Bible that says, "Jesus was so nice." I want to be like Jesus, not the nice spinster woman I'm terrified of becoming.

To all of my single male friends, I'm done being nice to you. I'm not going to cook you another dinner. Learn how to cook for yourself or marry someone who will cook for you. I'm not going to listen to your problems any more. Talk to someone else about them or marry a woman who will listen to you for the rest of your life. I'm not going to help you with your work or your project or your homework or whatever else you can't seem to do yourself without my help. Ask one of your guy friends to do it, or marry a woman who will be your helpmate for the rest of your life.

And guys, stop being nice to us. We don't want nice men anymore than you want a nice woman. Be men. Be kind. Offer your strength when we need it. Be courageous. Be bold. Take risks. Serve the women in your life as you would serve Christ. But don't be nice. We don't need you to be nice. We need you to be men. And you don't need us to be nice. You need us to be women. And as much as it's in my control to do so, I'm done being nice.

I still trust God with all my heart that someday there will be a man who wakes up and realizes that his life will be better lived with a strong, capable, kind, and competent woman by his side, and that woman is me. I have no idea where he is or what's taking him so long, but one thing I know - when he meets me, the last thing that will cross his mind is, "Wow, that's one nice lady."